Scouser Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 But let's Not forget the old faithfull, does this cloth smell of chloroform 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AyeCee Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 Ahahahaha how the hell could I forget that one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scouser Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 Too many roofies mate lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 I rubbed a magic lamp and a Genie appeared. He said he'd grant me one wish... I wished to be like Batman!! So he killed my parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danepak Posted April 4, 2012 Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 Three boys are discussing which mum has got the biggest mouth. Boy 1: My mum can have a whoe apple in her mouth Boy 2: My mum can have a whole orange in her mouth Boy 3: My mum can have an entire lamp in her mouth. No way, the two other boys says. Oh yes, she can. Last night when I walked past my mum and dad's bedroom, I heard my mum say: 'If you turn off the lamp, I'll put in my mouth'. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 My girlfriend can be really loud during sex, I don't know why? She knows, no ones coming to help! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 I had a relationship with a blind girl, which was rewarding... but challenging... it took me ages to get her husbands voice right! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted April 19, 2012 Report Share Posted April 19, 2012 How do you make a gay guy fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatlittlefrenchidiot Posted April 19, 2012 Report Share Posted April 19, 2012 How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them. How many babies does it take to tile a roof? Depends how thinly you slice them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted April 19, 2012 Report Share Posted April 19, 2012 When i was younger, i found it hard to talk to women... Coz i was hiding in there closet, masturbating. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted May 2, 2012 Report Share Posted May 2, 2012 Hendo's cunt box 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tesla Posted May 11, 2012 Report Share Posted May 11, 2012 I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hammerhead Posted May 11, 2012 Report Share Posted May 11, 2012 My wife fell asleep on the sofa. Feeling a little naughty, I took a marker pen and wrote 'World's Worst Mum' on her forehead. The next morning when she looked in the mirror she went mental. I had no idea that having a miscarriage affects your sense of humour. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MTP Posted May 11, 2012 Report Share Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) whats the best thing about fucking twentyfour year olds? theres twenty of them Edited May 11, 2012 by MTP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myki Posted May 26, 2012 Report Share Posted May 26, 2012 Hey I just met you, and this is crazy! But I have Alzheimer's Hey I just met you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted June 24, 2012 Report Share Posted June 24, 2012 Why cant arab kids take drivers ed and sex ed on the same day? There camels get tired! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted June 27, 2012 Report Share Posted June 27, 2012 I got knocked out by my girlfriends sister yesterday. What kind of a sick bitch puts chloroform on their knickers?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tesla Posted June 27, 2012 Report Share Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) What kind of a sick bitch puts chloroform on their knickers?! Solid anti-rape tactic. Edited June 27, 2012 by Tesla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted June 27, 2012 Report Share Posted June 27, 2012 she was fucked when i woke up... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thalfie Posted June 27, 2012 Report Share Posted June 27, 2012 how many cops does it take to change a light bulb? none, they just beat the room for being black.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myki Posted June 27, 2012 Report Share Posted June 27, 2012 How can you tell god intended a woman's place is in the kitchen? He put milk and eggs inside them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tesla Posted June 27, 2012 Report Share Posted June 27, 2012 It has been scientifically proven that women can be satisfied with 3 1/2 inches and it doesn't matter if it's Visa or Mastercard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dRoy Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 A married couple are driving down the road when they come across an injured skunk. The wife says "we have to help the poor Lil fella", she jumps out the car and grabs the skunk. When she gets back to the car she says "the poor thing is cold, his shivering, what should I do"? The husband says "put him between your legs to keep him warm." The wife asks, "what about the smell?" The husband replies "just hold his nose." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scouser Posted September 13, 2012 Report Share Posted September 13, 2012 A man had two of the best tickets for the FA Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he says, "the seat is empty." "This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of the year, and not use it?" He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?" The man shakes his head... ...."No. They're all at the funeral." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted September 13, 2012 Report Share Posted September 13, 2012 priorities! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post JD. Posted September 20, 2012 Popular Post Report Share Posted September 20, 2012 A Melbourne teacher asks her class, 'What football team do you support? Raise your hand if it's Melbourne Victory.' The whole class raise their hand except one boy "John what team do you support?' 'Melbourne Heart' the boy replies. 'Why' says the teacher. 'Because my mum and dad do, so I do too' 'Well you don't have to copy mum and dad, what if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a Junkie?' John replies 'Then I'd support Melbourne Victory'! 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted October 18, 2012 Report Share Posted October 18, 2012 (edited) Cool shit you find on the internet. Edited October 18, 2012 by Deviate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyospliff Posted October 18, 2012 Report Share Posted October 18, 2012 Whats black, blue and hates sex? The ten year old in my trunk. Whats better then an 18 year old? Two nine year olds. Whats the best thing about babies learning to crawl? There already in position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hammerhead Posted October 18, 2012 Report Share Posted October 18, 2012 Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard has accused the Leader of the Opposition, Tony Abbott, of misogyny. That's a pretty big word, For a woman. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartFc Posted October 18, 2012 Report Share Posted October 18, 2012 Everyone reckons gillard is the bomb after that speech she gave in parliament but I still rekon abbott bossed her by re-jigging the Alan jones quote. I'm not sexist at all but that bitch needs to get back in the kitchen and shave her orange pubes off and sprinkle em on a cake. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dRoy Posted October 18, 2012 Report Share Posted October 18, 2012 ??? Am I meant to laugh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartFc Posted October 18, 2012 Report Share Posted October 18, 2012 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dRoy Posted October 21, 2012 Report Share Posted October 21, 2012 Sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted November 22, 2012 Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 A mother in law says to her son's wife, "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son". The daughter in law lifted her skirt and replied, "I don't mean to be rude either, but this a cunt not a fucking photo copier". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted November 22, 2012 Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 My son asked me today, "What's the difference between a crow and a blackbird?" I told him, "Crows have somewhat heavier beaks, fan shaded tails and live on road kill and insects", "A Blackbird has big rubbery lips, a fat arse and lives on centrelink benefits". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted November 22, 2012 Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 Two abo's are in a bar talking, one says to the other "Have you ever noticed, that after you have sex with a white woman, that your eye's burn, your nose runs and you get all teary-eyed"? The other abo answers, "Yeah, all the time"! The first abo asks, "Why is that"? The other replies, "I reckon it's the capsicum spray". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaliMate Posted November 22, 2012 Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 A man walks into Centrelink to see an Aboriginal man sitting on the ground asking 'Change bruva?' He ignores him & then walks inside to get his payment. As he exits, the aboriginal again asks 'Any change?' To which he responds 'Nah, you're still a black cunt!' Too racist? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dRoy Posted November 23, 2012 Report Share Posted November 23, 2012 Classics coming in stil! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to shave her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deviant Posted December 12, 2012 Report Share Posted December 12, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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