Jump to content
Melbourne Football
Braveheart

The s2m/Deviate dirty joke thread. (offence guaranteed!)

Recommended Posts

Tranerz21    44

Went to our office Christmas party last night. They played 'the twist' so I twisted, then they played 'jump' so I jumped, then they played 'come on Eileen'............I was asked to leave shortly after that.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tranerz21    44

A man was drinking at a bar when he turned to the barmaid and said "you remind me of my little toe" "is that because I'm small and cute" she said

"No, its because I will probably bang you on the coffee table later tonight when I'm pissed."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MrAiDaN66    174

Not dirty but..

What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews?

Harry Potter escaped the chambers..

Edited by MrAiDaN66

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MrAiDaN66    174

What's the difference between the Harry Potter and the Jews?

Harry Potter escaped the chambers..

that barely makes sense and is nowhere near witty.

Was fixed while you replied.. But was funny when I read it

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Deviant    1,491

Catholic boy in confession says: "Forgive me father for i have sinned, I had a wank while thinking about my sister."

 

"That's a disgrace", Said the priest. "Especially when you have two gorgeous brothers".

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Braveheart    2,792

:droy:  :droy:  :droy:

 

This is the worst thread.

 

Not even funny. Srs.

Did you not read the title? 

 

people who expose themselves to things that they know they dislike and then complain about it :droy: :droy: :droy:

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Deviant    1,491

Ok, humour has no boundaries! The only time people get offended is if/when they place boundaries on themselves.

Race, religion and/or gender are merely 'topics'.

I understand that taking the moral high ground is socially acceptable... I like being the exception to that rule every now and then...

But anyway, back on topic...

How do you get a priest to fuck a nun?

Dress her up as an altar boy. :-D

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Young Polak    1,545

People can be so easy to read.

Like if their face is red, they're embarrassed. Or if their skin is black, they're about to commit a crime.

Edited by Young Polak
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MrAiDaN66    174

How can you achieve the best Harlem Shake video? throw a flashbang in a hospital ward full of epileptic children

I have epilepsy, I kinda thought "what a cunt" but then pissed myself :')

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Deviant    1,491

How can you achieve the best Harlem Shake video? throw a flashbang in a hospital ward full of epileptic children

I have epilepsy, I kinda thought "what a cunt" but then pissed myself :')

This is the attitude that I'm talking about!

Without this attitude and outlook on life, you'll be a miserable cunt and no one would want to hang out with you.

Comedy has no bounds! :D

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tranerz21    44

A man shouts to his wife "Come here and look at my clock." She walks in to find him naked with a hard on. She says "that's not a clock",to which he replies "It will be when you put two hands and a face on it."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Deviant    1,491

A Jewish daughter says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Nathan..."

"All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.
My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece
When it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece."

Her mother says,

"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman,
You live in an 8 bedroom mansion
You drive a $250,000 Ferrari,
You get $2,000 a week allowance,
You take 6 vacations a year and
You want to throw all that away...

Over 45 cents?"

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mus-28    2,293
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"
 
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.
 
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.
 
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. 
 
Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. 
 
"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor. 
 
The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." 
 
The doctor replied , "My point exactly."
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×