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The s2m/Deviate dirty joke thread. (offence guaranteed!)


Braveheart
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Ok, humour has no boundaries! The only time people get offended is if/when they place boundaries on themselves.

Race, religion and/or gender are merely 'topics'.

I understand that taking the moral high ground is socially acceptable... I like being the exception to that rule every now and then...

But anyway, back on topic...

How do you get a priest to fuck a nun?

Dress her up as an altar boy. :-D

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How can you achieve the best Harlem Shake video? throw a flashbang in a hospital ward full of epileptic children

I have epilepsy, I kinda thought "what a cunt" but then pissed myself :')

This is the attitude that I'm talking about!

Without this attitude and outlook on life, you'll be a miserable cunt and no one would want to hang out with you.

Comedy has no bounds! :D

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A Jewish daughter says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Nathan..."

"All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.
My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece
When it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece."

Her mother says,

"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman,
You live in an 8 bedroom mansion
You drive a $250,000 Ferrari,
You get $2,000 a week allowance,
You take 6 vacations a year and
You want to throw all that away...

Over 45 cents?"

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An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"
 
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.
 
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.
 
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. 
 
Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. 
 
"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor. 
 
The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." 
 
The doctor replied , "My point exactly."
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